Again, it has been a while. I always struggle to write these blogs. Not because I don’t want to share my experiences, but because I have a difficult time articulating them. Unless you have spent considerable time at Engeye, you likely won’t “get” it. I’m realizing, though, that this blog isn’t really for me, it’s for you: the people that care enough to follow along on my journey. Now, six months in, I know that I have not given you the opportunity to follow along. For that, I am sorry.

            The last six months have undoubtedly been a grand adventure, yet my personal growth and relationships have been formed through day-to-day interactions. I naïvely assumed that these weren’t interesting enough to be written about. In the mornings I wake up, go to work, go home in the evening, relax, and do chores – just like the rest of you. My routine received a bit of a switch up last week though.

            On Sunday the 12^th, a group of doctors from Albany Med arrived at Engeye. We haven’t had a group of visitors since August, when our last team left. That said, we were very much looking forward to their arrival. For some, it was their first time at Engeye. I could sense their nervousness surrounding the change in lifestyle (i.e. pit latrine), cultural differences, and the practice of tropical medicine more generally. Seeing them made me realize just how far I have come since July. I had the same fears six months ago. Now, I have doctors turning to me for advice.

            While I am incredibly grateful that they are here, seeing them was a harsh reminder that my time at Engeye is coming to an end in two and a half months. Living in Ddegeya has become my reality. Seeing familiar faces is a lovely reminder of home but has also made me realize that my current reality is temporary. I won’t be staying in Ddegeya forever. I will return to the US, return to Union, and in July a new cohort of fellows will embark on their Minerva Fellowship journeys. I had a very difficult time processing this emotionally. For the first time in five months, I broke down and cried (in front of everyone, might I add). After talking it through in the gazebo, I realized that this introspection is incredibly valuable. It made me realize just how significant of an impression that Engeye has left on me. I hope that by the time I leave I will have left a fraction of that impression on Engeye.

            Since being here, I haven’t created an independent project, but I have tried my best to contribute. I have loved the people and I have loved the place with everything that I can give. The relationships that I have formed have left a handprint on my heart that I will carry with me forever. This, I am realizing, is the purpose of the Minerva Fellowship.

            I felt, and continue to feel as though I haven’t done enough. I am a results-driven individual and have struggled to answer the question “so what have you been doing?” I have been working, I have been living, and I am the happiest that I have ever been. I may not have tipped the scale on public health issues in Ddegeya (which I am neither qualified nor aiming to do) but I have done my best to make the lives of those around me a little bit easier in the workplace.

            I will be physically leaving Engeye in April, but I will not be leaving emotionally. I have two and a half months left, which I know will pass in the blink of an eye. With the pressure of “not doing enough” off of my chest and the fear of disappointing people out of my mind, I am confident that the most valuable time in my fellowship is yet to come.